Not Much New!

Haven't said much lately because I don't have much to say. I'm still hovering about five pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight, but it feels so much more than that to me. This last pregnancy coupled with the c-section has completely redistributed my midsection and not in a good way. I will learn to live with it...after all, I have to as there's not much I can do about it now. I have been eating healthier and I did lose about five pounds. I am also becoming much more active, but it's still not enough...I need to be doing more if I'm going to be able to comfortably fit into my pants again.

I speak with D about once a week which is great. I feel like we are old friends. He called today and told about how today was the last day with their baby nurse who they've had since they've been home. They are happy to see her go. I guess apparently they didn't get along too well. They now have a nanny who is a cute 61-year-old lady who is much more laid back. Babies are over nine pounds now. Lily might possibly have a hernia, but they need to make an appointment with a specialist before they will know any more. They've already asked me if I was interested in doing another journey with them, but they need to think about things before fully deciding that's what they want to do. They found out that their previous egg donor is not willing to donate again period. I'm not sure if they will pursue it if the children can't be biologically connected. Only time will tell and we have plenty of it.

The one thing I will miss about the baby nurse is that she was always taking really fun pictures like this one...

Update

Just want to pop in and say that things are going great! After recovering from the flu (horrible) and talking with D a couple of times, I have felt really good for about the past week. I really hope things stay this way too! I feel like I am pretty much out of my post-partum blues funk.

Babies are doing good, daddies are still adjusting, baby nurse is still there, W has gone back to work, still only get pics through Facebook (but I am okay with that now), and lastly, I am so thankful I am not a new parent of twins! C-section scar is still itchy...I really hope it isn't like that forever! I never never want to have another c-section as long as I live. I despise surgery!

I can actually look at other surrogates wherever they are in their journeys and feel happy for them rather than envious. I am so happy where I am right now. I am glad I'm not pregnant at the moment. I still have just under 10 lbs to lose and I'm confident I can do it before we go to Mexico in May. I am glad I can indulge in a glass of wine when I feel like it. I love way I can move about and get exercise and bend over and such. I love that I can play with my kids again! I'm only writing this down so I can remember how I really do love not being pregnant (as much as I love being pregnant). So for the time being, I am just going to keep enjoying things the way they are :)......

Two Peas in a Pod

So sweet...

Happy 2nd Birthday Grant!!

From this...



to this...












I can't believe how far he's come! What an exciting day :) I got him some Thomas toys for his birthday so I hope he enjoys them.


As for how I'm doing...things are much better and worse at the same time. I'm fighting off the flu. I haven't been this sick in years! I can't wait to get better and feel better as my body hurt likes nothing else.

I spoke with D the other night and sure enough he's got tunnel vision and he's not really thinking about much other than the babies right now. My husband and I received two bottles of red wine from D & W the other day (for Valentine's day) so that was simply wonderful. While they are super busy, they are still thinking about me. They haven't completely forgotten about me, they are just trying to get used to their completely changed, but wonderful new life!

I'm almost four weeks post partum and my hormones are definitely started to settle. Once I kick this flu for good, I will start getting back to walking and exercising a bit and I hope that helps my body to feel a bit better. I did some work in the house the other day (before the flu hit) where I was walking up and down the stairs multiple times and boy my legs were very sore the next day! If I do ever go through another pregnancy, I need to not put so many things on hold...like exercise!

Letting Go

Letting go is so hard to do. I'm at that point where I just want to put this journey behind me and move forward with my life. My hormones are making that hard to do, but the more I think about things, the more emotional I get. Top that with the fact that I'm not an optimist by nature (unfortunately).

With the way things had gone during the beginning of the journey and throughout the pregnancy, I really expected things to go differently after the birth. When D and I talked about how the birth would go, he always told me how they would fly home immediately after the birth (well, as soon as they were released). That always made me sad - the thought that they were so eager to get out of here. Things obviously turned out differently and they had to stay a little longer than expected. But here we are three weeks out from the birth and I have received no pictures from them (just the ones posted on Facebook - for everybody) and no word on how they're doing! While I know people are always busy taking care of newborns, I thought that having a baby nurse would make it a little easier on them. Perhaps I should quit making assumptions. I just hate the feeling of being treated like a best friend during the pregnancy to feeling like yesterdays news after the birth. Perhaps thats why I was so irritated during half of the pregnancy...maybe it was a way of protecting myself from dissapointment and hurt - by trying to push them away before they could push me away. I don't know. Regardless, the hurt has set in and I want it to go away and to move on with my life now. It all makes me wonder if doing another surrogacy would really be such a good idea...I hate going through this part!

Home At Last

Babies and daddies have finally made it home. The flight went off without a hitch, babies apparently didn't even make a peep. I wasn't able to say goodbye because they picked up Logan from the hospital and went straight to the airport. Even if they would have had time, I've got a cold so it wouldn't have worked anyway. It just makes me sad because I've now had three surrogate babies...none of which my kids have met. I don't even know if they fully understand what has happened. D said he didn't want a formal goodbye because then he would have gotten sad and cried. Well for me it was the other way around. Because I didn't get to say goodbye - I cried! There's a very real possibility I may never see them again. Oh well, I guess it comes with being a surrogate - you never know what's going to happen! I haven't seen my first surro baby since his birth and at this point I really don't expect to. I'm okay with it though.

In a way I am glad they are gone because it is easier for me to get through my day without thinking about them being here. I'm thinking that day by day the blues are getting less and less (at least I hope!) I'm really looking forward to summer, at which point I think most, if not all, saddness will be gone.

Originally my IF's said they wanted three children. At this point, two might very well be enough. I'd love to do another journey with them. My husband and I are debating whether or no to have another child of our own. This is proving to be the hardest decision I (we) have ever made. Fortunately, we have time to decide, but if we chose against it, there is no turning back. I know that I have at least one more pregnancy left in this body, I just don't know who it will be for!?!?!

37 Weeks

Tomorrow would have marked 37 weeks gestation...a good time for twins to be born. Well, tomorrow Lily will be released from the hospital to go home! Or at least back to the hotel. Everyone is hopeful that Logan will follow within the next couple of days and by this weekend, it is possible that the new family will be going home for good.

I had my two-week postpartum check at the docs office before that. Did I ever say I LOVE my doc. He is the best! He told me I shouldn't have to have another c-section again. My healing is far beyond what he expected. That's great news.

After my appointment I went over to the hospital and spent the rest of the morning with D and the babies. I got to hold and feed Lily (or Tiger Lily as they call her - she's a fiesty little one). It was a lot of fun. D and I then went to lunch and then back to the hotel. We looked through all the baby gear he had...to make sure he had everything he would need. I think he's all set!

I just want to say that it's been great for me to see how wonderful D & W are as parents. If things hadn't worked out this way in the end, I never would have been able to see just how great they are with the babies. It really makes me happy to have had this little extra time with both parents and babies. It's now time to put this journey to rest and move on to the next phase of my life. I don't know what the future holds - only time will tell!