A Visit with the Twins

The tickets are booked for myself and my kids for a trip out to NY and on to CT. I am really excited. The best part is, D said they would pay for the tickets! I knew they were going to help, but not with all of it. This trip really wouldn't have been affordable for us, but I really wanted to go so I'm glad it worked out. I can't believe I will actually see the babies again and also that my kids will finally be able to meet them. What a treat!

Three Months Postpartum

I know it has been a long time since my last post, but I feel I really haven't had much to say so I can update everything in one post. I'll start by talking about my body. I am now 3.5 months postpartum and my cycle still has not resumed. I've already gone in to my OB/GYN for an annual checkup and he said at that visit that if my cycle hadn't started within two weeks of said visit, to call and he could put me on progesterone to jumpstart my period. That visit was almost one month ago and I never called him. I'm not sure if I should take even more hormones (after all those taken for so many IVF cycles) or just let my body attempt to resume naturally. I guess my body has just gone through SO much in the past couple of years that it forgot what it's supposed to do! I posted this question for a doctor on a message board, so I will wait to do anything until I hear his reply.

Next, I've been speaking with D about heading out to CT and possibly NY in July, but plans are not finalized yet. I don't think my husband will be able to join me because he's taking a week vacation in May for our Mexico trip. I'm just wondering if I can handle traveling with my two kids all by myself! I'm sure it would be worth it to see D&W and the babies. :)

Lastly, I just want to say that I've stepped back a bit from all things surrogacy because it has just become a bit overwhelming for me. If you look back and read my blog from the beginning, you'll see that before both surrogacy journeys, I stated that I planned to have another child of my own after each. Well it obviously didn't happen after the first and now that I'm done with my second, I have really tried to do some soul searching to figure out whether or not I wanted to go down that road. My husband and I have discussed this topic at length and I still feel no closer to an answer than I was after birth of the twins. The logical part of me knows that I shouldn't go there, to be happy with the two wonderful kids I've already been blessed with, and just move on with my life. My heart tells me otherwise. I've always wanted three kids and I honestly always thought I'd have three. No matter what I tell myself, that desire just WILL NOT go away. Anyway, there's much more to it than this and I'll say that this has been a daily struggle for me for the past two months. I told D&W that I'd do another journey for them if that was what they chose to do, but the longing for another child will not go away. They have not decided yet what they will do, so I still have a little more time to get this figured out.

With that said, at this point, I haven't had that strong desire (like I did after my first journey) to do another journey. Therefore, I've not been as active in the surrogacy community as I was before to try and help with making a decision. If I haven't come to a decision by summer's end then I think it will have been made for me as my kids are getting older, I'm getting older and maybe it will just be time to move on to the next chapter of my life. As I've said before, only time will tell...

Surgery

So crazy enough, Lily already had surgery today! She is doing good fortunately. I'm guessing that the hernia was bad enough that they had to do the surgery fairly quickly. All I know is that it had something to do with her reproductive system and to prevent damage to her ovaries, the surgery was necessary. I haven't spoken with D to find out any details, all I received were a few texts letting me know what was happening. I'm just thankful she is doing good!

Not Much New!

Haven't said much lately because I don't have much to say. I'm still hovering about five pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight, but it feels so much more than that to me. This last pregnancy coupled with the c-section has completely redistributed my midsection and not in a good way. I will learn to live with it...after all, I have to as there's not much I can do about it now. I have been eating healthier and I did lose about five pounds. I am also becoming much more active, but it's still not enough...I need to be doing more if I'm going to be able to comfortably fit into my pants again.

I speak with D about once a week which is great. I feel like we are old friends. He called today and told about how today was the last day with their baby nurse who they've had since they've been home. They are happy to see her go. I guess apparently they didn't get along too well. They now have a nanny who is a cute 61-year-old lady who is much more laid back. Babies are over nine pounds now. Lily might possibly have a hernia, but they need to make an appointment with a specialist before they will know any more. They've already asked me if I was interested in doing another journey with them, but they need to think about things before fully deciding that's what they want to do. They found out that their previous egg donor is not willing to donate again period. I'm not sure if they will pursue it if the children can't be biologically connected. Only time will tell and we have plenty of it.

The one thing I will miss about the baby nurse is that she was always taking really fun pictures like this one...

Update

Just want to pop in and say that things are going great! After recovering from the flu (horrible) and talking with D a couple of times, I have felt really good for about the past week. I really hope things stay this way too! I feel like I am pretty much out of my post-partum blues funk.

Babies are doing good, daddies are still adjusting, baby nurse is still there, W has gone back to work, still only get pics through Facebook (but I am okay with that now), and lastly, I am so thankful I am not a new parent of twins! C-section scar is still itchy...I really hope it isn't like that forever! I never never want to have another c-section as long as I live. I despise surgery!

I can actually look at other surrogates wherever they are in their journeys and feel happy for them rather than envious. I am so happy where I am right now. I am glad I'm not pregnant at the moment. I still have just under 10 lbs to lose and I'm confident I can do it before we go to Mexico in May. I am glad I can indulge in a glass of wine when I feel like it. I love way I can move about and get exercise and bend over and such. I love that I can play with my kids again! I'm only writing this down so I can remember how I really do love not being pregnant (as much as I love being pregnant). So for the time being, I am just going to keep enjoying things the way they are :)......

Two Peas in a Pod

So sweet...

Happy 2nd Birthday Grant!!

From this...



to this...












I can't believe how far he's come! What an exciting day :) I got him some Thomas toys for his birthday so I hope he enjoys them.


As for how I'm doing...things are much better and worse at the same time. I'm fighting off the flu. I haven't been this sick in years! I can't wait to get better and feel better as my body hurt likes nothing else.

I spoke with D the other night and sure enough he's got tunnel vision and he's not really thinking about much other than the babies right now. My husband and I received two bottles of red wine from D & W the other day (for Valentine's day) so that was simply wonderful. While they are super busy, they are still thinking about me. They haven't completely forgotten about me, they are just trying to get used to their completely changed, but wonderful new life!

I'm almost four weeks post partum and my hormones are definitely started to settle. Once I kick this flu for good, I will start getting back to walking and exercising a bit and I hope that helps my body to feel a bit better. I did some work in the house the other day (before the flu hit) where I was walking up and down the stairs multiple times and boy my legs were very sore the next day! If I do ever go through another pregnancy, I need to not put so many things on hold...like exercise!