A Visit with the Twins

The tickets are booked for myself and my kids for a trip out to NY and on to CT. I am really excited. The best part is, D said they would pay for the tickets! I knew they were going to help, but not with all of it. This trip really wouldn't have been affordable for us, but I really wanted to go so I'm glad it worked out. I can't believe I will actually see the babies again and also that my kids will finally be able to meet them. What a treat!

Three Months Postpartum

I know it has been a long time since my last post, but I feel I really haven't had much to say so I can update everything in one post. I'll start by talking about my body. I am now 3.5 months postpartum and my cycle still has not resumed. I've already gone in to my OB/GYN for an annual checkup and he said at that visit that if my cycle hadn't started within two weeks of said visit, to call and he could put me on progesterone to jumpstart my period. That visit was almost one month ago and I never called him. I'm not sure if I should take even more hormones (after all those taken for so many IVF cycles) or just let my body attempt to resume naturally. I guess my body has just gone through SO much in the past couple of years that it forgot what it's supposed to do! I posted this question for a doctor on a message board, so I will wait to do anything until I hear his reply.

Next, I've been speaking with D about heading out to CT and possibly NY in July, but plans are not finalized yet. I don't think my husband will be able to join me because he's taking a week vacation in May for our Mexico trip. I'm just wondering if I can handle traveling with my two kids all by myself! I'm sure it would be worth it to see D&W and the babies. :)

Lastly, I just want to say that I've stepped back a bit from all things surrogacy because it has just become a bit overwhelming for me. If you look back and read my blog from the beginning, you'll see that before both surrogacy journeys, I stated that I planned to have another child of my own after each. Well it obviously didn't happen after the first and now that I'm done with my second, I have really tried to do some soul searching to figure out whether or not I wanted to go down that road. My husband and I have discussed this topic at length and I still feel no closer to an answer than I was after birth of the twins. The logical part of me knows that I shouldn't go there, to be happy with the two wonderful kids I've already been blessed with, and just move on with my life. My heart tells me otherwise. I've always wanted three kids and I honestly always thought I'd have three. No matter what I tell myself, that desire just WILL NOT go away. Anyway, there's much more to it than this and I'll say that this has been a daily struggle for me for the past two months. I told D&W that I'd do another journey for them if that was what they chose to do, but the longing for another child will not go away. They have not decided yet what they will do, so I still have a little more time to get this figured out.

With that said, at this point, I haven't had that strong desire (like I did after my first journey) to do another journey. Therefore, I've not been as active in the surrogacy community as I was before to try and help with making a decision. If I haven't come to a decision by summer's end then I think it will have been made for me as my kids are getting older, I'm getting older and maybe it will just be time to move on to the next chapter of my life. As I've said before, only time will tell...