Wednesday, December 29, 2010

32 Week Belly

32 Weeks (Tomorrow)

Had my appt. today and there's not much to report. Baby A is transverse - so he moved a little! His head is pointing toward my right hipbone. I found out that my doctor will not schedule a c-section unless I'm around 39 weeks. That makes me happy...knowing that I can go into labor on my own and we'll see how I will deliver from there. Babies are just under 4.5 lbs each - making this the most baby weight I've carried to date. Starting next week I will go in for a weekly non-stress test. I can't believe I'm on the down slope of this pregnancy!

I can feel and see a little swelling starting up and I think I've found one new stretch mark on the underside of my belly (kinda hard to see down there). I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable most days although not all the time. I may have said this before, but although I know I will once again miss being pregnant, I am really starting to look forward to having my body back to myself. I'm starting to daydream daily about the things I will be able and want to do again. I will try to post a pic later...I am still amazed at how big my belly keeps getting!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Still Breech

So baby A is still breech. Both babies are still in the exact position they were two weeks ago. This makes it the last four appointments (I think). So, it just doesn't look like baby A wants to turn around. I know it can still happen, but.... To be honest with you, I'm just as scared of a vaginal delivery as I am of a c-section so whatever happens, happens. I just need to do some research on c-section scars.

On a side note, a girl in my months SMO group gave birth to her surrogate twins last Saturday putting them at 28w5d - that's scary. Fortunately, both babies and surrogate are doing well now.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

30 Weeks

I am so full...of babies (he he). I actually felt pretty good today - no lack of energy and no pains! I have my appt. tomorrow so I will have to update if there any significant changes or anything new to report. I feel like I'm full term now. It feels funny to sit down and have my belly sit on my legs!

I can't believe Christmas is so close! Once the holidays are over, it won't be long before this surrogacy journey will be over. I'm still unsure as to what the future holds for me after this birth. My family and I are going to Mexico in May so I will be prepping for that. I'd like to get into shape and climb at least two fourteeners this summer. I don't feel like this is my last pregnancy, but I'm not sure. I guess only time will tell and I won't be making any decisions until my hormones are leveled out. Here's my 30 week pic! I think my first bare belly...

Oh yeah, many of my favorite maternity clothes aren't fitting as well as they used to!

Friday, December 3, 2010

28 Weeks

Not much new to update except that baby A is still transverse...making that the third appointment in a row. Tonight I had a feeling in my lower abdomen (not really a contraction) that reminded me of going into labor and when that happens my body tenses up and I start shaking. I just get so terrified of that intense pain. Fortunately my labors are fast, but I'm not one of those lucky women who seem to just breeze through labor. I usually say some things I probably shouldn't and tend to panic in the end so I question myself every time as to why I did this to myself again. The only reason I'm saying this is because I don't think I can do this birth with nothing to help me...meaning some form of drug. I'm aware that if I have to have a c-section the decision will be made for me so I'm not putting too much thought into it, but nevertheless, I am nervous!

Friday, November 26, 2010

27 Weeks

I seriously can't believe I'm only 27 weeks pregnant! At this exact moment, I feel like I could simply explode. I don't know why I was ever excited to carry twins. A lot of the time it sounds better to do something than to actually do it. I now know without a doubt that I will get stretch marks and I'm still terrified by that thought. My belly feels so huge right now that I just can't imagine it getting any bigger. The babies are getting big enough now that they are starting to kick (or punch - whatever) me in places that are very uncomfortable...such as my bladder! That's not fun, especially when you already have to pee.

I'm still sleeping okay, but I have a feeling it won't be too much longer. I really hope the next several weeks go by very quickly. I'm already looking forward to losing weight and attempting to tone before our Mexico vacation in May! Here's belly pic at 27 weeks...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

26 Weeks

So I had my OB appt. today and it was a very quick one. He measured the fluid which looks good (and by the way, I have had an U/S every single appt. so far). Baby A went from transverse to butt first so it seems he's having a hard time trying to turn around. Doc seems to think that he may stay this way (will have to try some of Mrs. Knight's turning tips!) I've come to terms with the fact that I really might face a c-section this pregnancy and I'm okay now. I'm coming close to the end of my pregnancy run so I think I'll manage.

I have my next appt. in two weeks when he will measure the growth again. Doc seems to think I will deliver around 35 to 36 weeks, but I am pretty confident, they will come closer to 38. I have to say 36 does sound nice though :) Here's today's pic. I know I may not look that big, but it sure feels like it!

I've pulled a muscle in my right rib area, but other than that, I'm doing pretty well so far. Not too many physical complaints!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

24 Weeks

Had an OB appt. today with yet another U/S. Babies are doing good, both weighing around 1.5 lbs each. The are both transverse right now...the same way which is why I've only been feeling movement on the right side. I've gained 18 lbs so far which I feel is a lot (if only I could stop eating so much sugar!) Had my GTT today so hopefully I won't hear anything from the doctor's office as I don't want to have to do a 3 hour GTT. Had a cervical check today and my cervix is measuring that of a non-pregnant woman - 4cm! Definitely no signs of PTL here. I now start going to appointments every two weeks.

Had a good time with D today. He will probably be back in about a month for another appointment. He was very thrilled to be able to feel the babies moving today!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I spoke with the psychologist today and she assured me that my feelings are completely normal and it is quite possible that venting will help my frustrations a lot. She just reminded me to keep in mind what I am doing and what the end goal is...and how without me it wouldn't be possible for these two to be created and in the end with the ones that will love them so much.

It just felt good to know that I'm not the only surrogate with these feelings. The feelings I am talking about include: frustration, irritation, resentment, unhappiness, slight depression - I think that about sums it up. I just have to remember that I won't be pregnant forever. There is an end in sight and it will be a wonderful one!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

A Wish

I really wish I could have the optimism and outlook on life that so many others have. I feel like I have so much negativity inside me right now...that can't be healthy - for anyone!

Monday, October 25, 2010

22w 4d

Probably the last time I will be wearing this shirt! It's starting to get too small!

Friday, October 15, 2010

New and Improved Attitude

Just want to give a congrats to my surro friend Kelly who recently birthed her second set of twins - WOW! Way to go.

On another note...since my attitude has improved lately, I've decided to start enjoying this pregnancy as much as possible because I feel confident that it will be my last surrogacy journey. I'm feeling the babies move more often now and that is fun. I'm feeling pretty good and hoping it stays that way! These beautiful fall days we're having help a lot :)

I'm still trying to sort out all of the negative feelings I was having, but I think I've gotten to the core of it which has made it easier to move above and beyond to more positive feelings.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Getting Tired...

Wow, have I been getting tired lately. By late afternoon I have been feeling pretty exhausted this past week. I've decided to do a booth at the Holiday fair at my son's school so I've been crafting like crazy as I only have a month from today to get a ton of items made. So much is going on at both kids' schools like fundraisers, parent-teacher conferences and days off that I'm starting to forget the small things like sending my son's snack to school every day. So not only am I physically exhausted from all the running around, cleaning and making things, but I'm also mentally exhausted by trying to remember everything!

I'm 21 weeks tomorrow and I'm telling you it won't be long before I start counting down the days until these babies are born. I'm still in disbelief at how much bigger this belly is going to get. I've been having more and more difficulty eating because I just feel like I can't fit anything in there. Today I told my husband before lunch that I was really hungry, but I was full. My belly is just getting so big and uncomfortable that I feel full a lot of the time. At least I'm still sleeping well for the most part so I can't complain too much. I just wish I had more time to sleep!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Good Day!

We had the U/S this morning and it went perfectly. We waited in the waiting room for about 4 minutes before the doctor personally came and brought us back to the room. U/S took maybe 25 min. at most. Babies are measuring perfectly for their gestation and they are still one boy and one girl. Then the doc took us on a personal hospital tour...we will be delivering in the OR for sure. He said even if we have a c-section, everyone will be allowed back - wow! Did I ever say I love this doc?!?! We all went over to a mall for some shopping and lunch and now IF's are on their way home. We all had a great time. Next appointment is at 24 weeks when I will have my GTT and then I will start going every 2 weeks after that! Exciting times :) (Can you tell I'm having a good day today?)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Big Day

Friday is my next appointment and we have scheduled the anatomy scan. Pretty sure they are boy and girl so it won't be too exciting. Getting a bit anxious as it will be the first appointment I will have attended with my IF's...I just don't know what to expect. I'm sure it will be fine, but I can't wait until Saturday, when it's all over. For some reason I've been so irritated today I just feel like I could cry :( I really hope this feeling will eventually go away - I can't stand it anymore!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

18 Weeks

So here's me at 18 weeks.

Sometimes it's just best to leave the head out of the picture! At this point, I can't believe I'm only 18 weeks. I've seen other belly pics of those pregnant with twins and I have to say that I'm terrified. Not only are most bellies enormous, but I fear more and more every day that I'm not going to get out of this without stretch marks. I already can't eat much at any given time, which is hard for me because I hate leftovers, so if I make a good meal...I want to EAT it! None of this has stopped my weight though - I've already gained about 10 lbs. (yet another thing that scares me!)

I just have to say that this journey has really been nothing like the last one. I felt good last time and I really enjoyed the experience which was why I wanted to do it again. This time around, I can't put my finger on it, I just have not enjoyed much (if any) of this pregnancy. So far, my hormones have had a negative effect on my attitude and I've been a little depressed although I can't figure out's just there! I think about last time and how I enjoyed the process as much as I could, but this time all I can think about is how I can't wait to not be pregnant anymore. I have to say it's frustrating, but there's not much I can do about it. I don't know if I ever want to be pregnant again. Oh well, I just try to deal with it the best I can...I know it won't be this way forever. I hope I never get the itch to get pregnant and do another journey because I don't think my husband will be on board. My IF's said they always wanted three children (they want at least one kid from the other father), but every time he tells me he says it would have to be right away because they're not getting any younger! Well 1. neither am I! but 2. I sure as hell don't want to get pregnant right away again! I want at least a year after having know???

Anyway enough of that. Two more weeks until the big U/S.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Doctor's Predictions

Are one boy and one girl. We should know for sure on Oct. 8th when we have the anatomy scan.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Doing Good!

Can you believe it? I'm doing pretty darn good lately. Finally starting to look a little pregnant and the sickness is mostly gone (YAY!). Still don't have much to update, but the appointment is Friday so we are all looking forward to that. I will be going it alone (well, with my daughter) so no IF's this time, but that's okay. Here's a pic at 14 weeks...I'm almost 16 now.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Second Trimester

Well, I made it, although I still have a long way to go. While I don't want to complain, not much about this pregnancy has been very good (at least so far). I just got over another stomach virus...I don't know what the heck, but I'm starting to wonder if being pregnant makes you super susceptible to all illnesses (or in my case the darn stomach bug). I'm fourteen weeks today and my heartburn is already incredible. I can't even imagine what it will be like toward the end. I'm now at that stage that I just look fat. Not many people know about this surrogacy and I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do after telling so many that I can't imagine having another kid and *bam* just like that I'm pregnant with twins!!! If I eat big meals, I feel so sick. Yet, it can be hard for me to make a good meal and only eat the portion size I feed my kids. Morning sickness is better, but not gone altogether. I still can't wait for the fall as I have never despised the heat and sun so much in my life.

My next appointment isn't for two weeks so not a whole lot of action going on. IF's are on vacation in California and when they get back to their house in Connecticut, they are going to get married there - this time having friends and family join them. Nevertheless, I'm not thinking it's likely that either will make it to this next appointment. They can't miss the next one will be the anatomy scan, so the most exciting appointment of the pregnancy!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Great OB

I am thrilled about the new OB I saw today. He was recommended by 3 people and I was not disappointed at all. He was friendly...more like a friend than a doctor and he told me everything I wanted to hear - like as long as baby A cooperates, regardless of baby B, I can have a vaginal birth. That's fantastic news. Now so long as that baby cooperates!

IF's (at least one) will probably come out for the next appointment which will be a month from now. It looks like I'll be getting a lot of U/S's and I just pray everything goes smoothly.

I'm still feeling nauseous here and there and when I get exhausted, I get exhausted. But I feel fantastic today and hope it starts getting better every day. My hormones have calmed tremendously, although I still have my moments. To be honest, I haven't been thinking too much about this pregnancy because I'm too busy with back to school stuff and getting used to new schedules, and planning my son's birthday party, and praying for one more camping trip before this summer ends. Hopefully this will make the pregnancy go by much faster as well!

Sunday, August 8, 2010


Well, I still can't say much for my digestive system...something is seriously infecting it and just when I think I may have gotten rid of it, it hits me again and again. I was very sick last night, but I feel great this morning. I really think my mood will improve greatly once the morning sickness subsides for good.

I spoke with my IF this morning and he decided not to come to the first OB appointment which actually made me really happy. I just have so many things I need to speak with the OB about that I'd rather do in private, that this is the most comfortable route for me - I think he understands that now. We will speak again later, I hope that I didn't accidentally hurt his feelings or make him feel like he was unwelcome to come to the appointment, but we'll get it sorted out. I'm hoping to find out from the doctor what would be some key appointments that might be a bit more exciting for him/them to come to. If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to leave a comment.

I think my IF has resigned to the fact that he can't/doesn't have control over everything that happens from here on out. I just hope he trusts me enough to make that okay because we still have a long way to go!

Today, I feel better about everything and I hope that is just a sign of things to come. Also, I'm glad summer is almost over as I think the transition into fall will also make things a bit easier!

Monday, August 2, 2010


Had final U/S today and all is good. Babies are measuring 4.0cm and 4.4cm. I have to say it was fun seeing the babies moving around in there. I'm still feeling sick at times, not all the time, but I sure can't wait for this part to be over. I made my first OB appt. today with a new doc that I was given 3 separate recommendations for (2 from surrogates), so I hope he's as great as they say. I stopped meds on Saturday and no migraines yet so that is a plus!

I've been really struggling with my emotions lately and I'm still praying that is has a lot to do with hormones which I hope will start leveling out. Without saying everything that I've been feeling, which I really don't think would be appropriate, I do want to say that I've been having mixed feelings about this journey. I've been questioning whether I'm making the right decision or not. I've been feeling a bit resentful of how ill I've been feeling and how it's affected my children and husband. I never felt this way for my last journey and I know it all seems a little late to be feeling this way now.

I'm feeling apprehensive as to what the future holds and I really hope this journey will have a good ending. I really hope that there will be no power struggles as this experience unfolds. Right now all I can do is hope for the best.

Friday, July 30, 2010


As the saying goes, "If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all." Need I say more?

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Oh So Sick

And I'm not just talking morning sickness. I've got some stomach bug that I feel is slowly killing me. I am in so much pain and I'm so afraid to put any food into my mouth. I'd give anything to take some pepto right now. I'm not in a very happy place!

Friday, July 16, 2010


Besides not having much to say, I'm just not as happy as I feel I should be...thus I haven't been posting much. I'm really hoping it's just my hormones and it will pass. I thought I would feel so ecstatic about being pregnant with twins, but I'm just not. I'm only posting this so I can look back and remember how I felt at this point in time. Right now, I feel like this will be my last surrogacy journey. I just don't think I have the passion to pursue this anymore. I question myself every day if I'm even doing the right thing now. A little late to have these feelings now, I know. With my son, I had severe depression at a point in the pregnancy - I'm assuming due to hormones. I hope I am just having a little "down" time and it will pass soon.

IF's come out on Sunday upon which we will go out to dinner. Monday we have another U/S. Then comes the fun of having to look for an OB which, if you can't tell, I'm not looking forward to. Oh boy!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

It's About Time

I think we finally did it...we finally have something growing in there! Can you believe it? I still can't. There are two little babies in there, each with a perfect little heartbeat! I was in a panic this morning thinking for sure there were three, but nope, just two. :) D&W will be out for the next U/S at which point they will be able to see with their own eyes their little babies they've waited so long for. We are all pretty thrilled!

Friday, July 2, 2010


Man, hormones really rule my life! I've been so angry least I know to chalk it up to all the hormones running rampant in my system. I just can't believe I feel like this already. At least I know what it is and not that I'm totally crazy. During my first pregnancy (with my son) I became so depressed that I felt I was having a real problem. Only after the fact did I realize that it was just my hormones. Uuuugghhh!!

I've also started feeling very nauseous already - starving one second (which makes me feel really ill) and then I eat and I'm totally full the next (which also makes me feel ill if I take even one too many bites). Yeah I'm complaining...this is the first trimester for me and I question my motives every time I go through this. I just keep telling myself "only seven more weeks". I know I can do it! I'm also already counting down the days until I stop my progesterone shots, 15 and counting!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I'm Still Alive

And so far so good! Still waiting for the U/S and then I'll have more to update. Just another week to go. Slowly but surely starting to feel pregnant. :)

Friday, June 18, 2010

I Think it Worked!

My beta number really threw me for a loop. I've just got to remember that we did a 6dt. My beta was 625. The guys are feeling really good and I'm glad it worked, but now I'm a bit nervous...just please don't let it be 3 again!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Since I'm feeling pretty good about things, I decided to go ahead and post. We had our transfer on Tuesday June 8th. I arrived in LA on Sunday afternoon as our transfer was scheduled for Monday the 7th...what do ya know? It got pushed to Tuesday. I know the Dr. wanted to grow the embryos out one more day, but I'm still not 100% sure why. We transferred 3 embryos, 2 perfect and one straggler. Went back to hotel and you can guess the rest. The highlight of the trip was getting to see Morgan Freeman hanging out at our hotel and the saddest part was the fact that, due to bedrest, I missed seeing Johnny Depp hanging out by the pool! Oh well.

The good news now is that my tests have been beautiful, positive that is. Here's a pic of the progression.

Blood test is scheduled for Friday. So far, we've jumped the first hurdle. We still have more to go. Friday will be the second and the U/S date will be the third. If we can just make it to the U/S without miscarrying this time, we will all be thrilled!

Monday, June 14, 2010


I promise I will post soon...I just need a few more days.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Surprise Surprise

We're in the exact same boat as last time. We got 10 eggs, only 7 were good quality, only 5 fertilized. Last time we had 4 eggs the day of transfer, we transferred 2 and we were going to freeze the remaining 2. The doctor was going to grow them out one more day and they died.

Who knows what this time will bring. Honestly, we're just praying for one healthy embryo to transfer.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Pre-Transfer Present

My generous IF's sent a bottle of red wine to me today. How sweet! They want me and my husband to enjoy it before we embark on our next adventure together.

As a side note...from 30 follicles, only 10 eggs were retrieved so we're hoping for some good news tomorrow!

Another Blog Change

I needed another change...I really like this one. It's fun to change!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


Transfer is coming up really soon. I just read back over the last year and really think that for the most part, I was pretty happy and optimistic. It makes me sad to see how I really haven't been posting many details or simply blogging lately. I guess I'm just tired of getting hopes up just to be let down. Maybe if no one knows what's going on then no one has to say time!

Without saying too much, I do know that donor has 30 follicles which may or may not be a good thing. You'd think, oh, that will be a lot of eggs...but the quality might not be there. IF's have friends that had an ED in the recent past that had 30 follicles and they only got one egg that didn't make it. So you just never know!

I am getting excited once again and I do feel good about this transfer so we will just see what happens. I really truly feel like my IF's deserve this and it is their time.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Time's a Flyin'....

Just thought I'd pop in and say I start meds tonight. Time is going to really fly now because I have so much to keep me busy. I don't have much time to think about anything right now! And I'm happy to say that I will get at least one camping trip in before the transfer...Yay!!

Monday, April 26, 2010

We Have Another Date

Hopefully this is the one that sticks (date and embryos). Three days before my daughters birthday (Yikes!) Not feeling excited yet, still down in the dumps somewhat. Hopefully time will go by pretty fast, I'm sure it will thanks to having so much to do in the next few months. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that since third time wasn't a charm, fourth will be!!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

So Much for That!!!

Scrap that calendar! AFTER the calendar was made, the egg donor decided she doesn't want to be on meds for finals and she can't give herself shots by herself while on vacation. So now everything is going to be pushed back into a different month.

All I can say is I really hope this next transfer is a successful one because if it's not, I may just be calling it quits. I can't take this stress anymore. I even had to put on waterproof mascara this morning because I knew I would be crying about this fu*@ed up situation today.

You know what? I just have to keep reminding myself that it could be so much worse. I just got off the phone with a friend whose husband had an affair. I feel for her and just want to be able to take the pain away, but I know I can't. So I need to stop complaining and pick myself up and move on (although it's still hard).

Saturday, April 17, 2010


Well, I finally got a's about time!

Friday, March 26, 2010

So Irritated

The doctor called me today and said that the egg donor is ready to go! That got me so excited. Then I spoke to D and he said that he was told the retrieval was going to be the 3rd week of May. Therefore, putting the transfer in the 4th week. That's 2 whole months away! I am so irritated with this whole process. We had our first transfer in July and now getting closer to a year and a handful of transfers later, we have nothing to show for it. IF I do actually get pregnant this time, then I will be pregnant the exact same time as I was with Grant (we transferred May 25). I really hope that the transfer time is the only thing that will be similar...I say that because I know we will be transferring 3 embryos this time so I really don't want a repeat reduction.

I'm just so mad (one of my favorite Mercer Mayer books).

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Just Have to Update

I don't have any good news to post, but I just have to write about what I found out today. D called just a bit ago and asked if I was sitting down. He told me that their egg donor has chlamydia and hepatitis B. WOW! and DAMN! The news is (yeah, there's actually good news about this situation) that another donor was dropped by her IP's (still not sure why) and she was just getting ready to cycle. We may be able to pick up our cycle pretty much where we left off...just with another donor. I should know more in the next few days.

One of these days...if I'm up to it, I will try to post about how emotional this second journey has been for me. Maybe if I write it down, I will be able to move past it all because it's still eating me up inside.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Out of Commission Awhile

Sorry to say that this blog will most likely be out of commission awhile unless and until I have some good news to post. Bear with me as it can't be forever...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Journal Entry

AF started yesterday (2/16)...start pills tonight.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

One Year Today

Just want to wish little Grant a wonderful happy birthday. I am so proud and thankful to have been a part of your life! Thank you.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Thinking Ahead

That glass of wine that I attempted to enjoy the other night turned out to be not so enjoyable. Around 1am that morning, I got so sick that even to relive that now make me feel nauseous. I had the worst stomach virus I've ever experienced. I'm still recovering today. No more red wine for me for awhile thanks!

I spoke with D this morning and he said they were having a conference call with a new potential egg donor...right about now. I really can't believe how fast they may have found someone. That's great...I guess.

Having been stuck in bed for the last two days, it gave me a lot of time to think. I'm thinking now that this last failure has really been harder on me than I thought it was. I'm kind of feeling a little depressed and I know it has a little to do with the fact that I was really sick, but I'm also thinking that maybe this surrogacy attempt just isn't meant to be...with me anyway. Three failed attempts with two different egg donors. The only constant now is me and the guys' sperm. Yeah, I'm proven, but that doesn't mean anything really. It comes down to this. If this next attempt doesn't work, I'm thinking it may be time to recommend a new surrogate because I too, want them to have a baby, but I'm not producing that. I've tried everything in my power...luck charms, praying, crossing fingers, positive thinking. None of it has worked. This next time I will go in with nothing but hope and if it doesn't work, then maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I don't know what else to say. I haven't lost hope.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Official Negative

Got the "official negative" today. At least we weren't shocked...we knew what to expect. Doc said he believes it to be a true run of "bad luck". He has now become dedicated to ensure my IF's have a baby (not that he wasn't before). So therefore, we will be moving on, it's just a matter of time and taking the necessary steps to *hopefully* have a successful pregnancy next time. IF's will have to find a new egg donor (a very young one) and then we'll try again.

Stopping meds tonight and having a glass of red wine!

Sunday, February 7, 2010


The only reason I'm even posting right now is for reference just in case there is a next time. I shouldn't have, but I began testing 4.5dpt and every single test up through today has been negative. I am 8dpt today and finally told D this morning (he thought I hadn't tested until this morning). I haven't talked with him much so I really don't know his thoughts. I know that he almost kind of expected the bad news, but I know underneath it he was truly crushed.

I go in for beta on Tuesday at which point (I can't wait) I will stop meds (it just kills me to be doing them for no reason...but alas, I will continue to take them). I don't know where we will go from here. Our last 2 embryos didn't make it to freezing so there was a whopping $30,000 for nothing. I really hope that my IF's want to move on...WITH me. This whole experience has been so disheartening. I don't know what else to say. If we do this again, they will have to find another egg donor (third) and start this whole process from the beginning. I'm pretty certain they'll move on because they paid for the 3 transfer package (ideally in hopes for siblings), but we've already used 1 with no success so there are only 2 left.

Uuuugggghhh. Why?? And please don't say because they just aren't destined to have children!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Home Sweet Home

Not there yet, but heading back today. It's been a wonderful trip, but looking forward to being at home again.

We transferred 2 fresh embryos Saturday morning. Everything went better than expected and so here we are (for the third time) in the 2 week wait. This time there will be no stressing, no obsessing, just taking it as it comes. I still feel very good about everything and will continue to do so. Whatever happens, happens.

Well, we are off to go do some shopping before heading to the airport. Will keep you updated!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Morning of Transfer

I'm sitting here at the desk in my hotel room on the morning of the transfer. It's so beautiful outside. I have a panoramic view of the Hollywood hills. The sun is rising, the sky is blue, wispy clouds in the's going to be a great day to get pregnant!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Injection Fiasco

I don't know why I have to have so many issues with injections, but I do. Two nights ago, I gave myself my progesterone injection. Almost immediately it was terribly itchy (still is today in fact). I hope I'm not having a reaction again. Last night, because my husband was home, I decided to have him give me my shots (both Delestrogen and Progesterone). I got them all set up handed them over. For some reason, I just decided to watch him for the second shot, just to make sure he was doing it right I suppose (after all this time and I still don't trust him!?!?!?!) Well, he get's ready to take the plunge and all of a sudden he pulls way back on the plunger. He pulled at least 2 cc's of air into the syringe. WTF!!! Thank GOD I was paying attention. I said to him, "Have you been doing that with all my shots? Why did you do that? You would have just killed me if we were doing IV injections". A little later he said, "I thought you said to pull back on the plunger a little." "Yeah, after you inject it!!! To make sure your not in a vein and there's no blood."

Nevertheless, I think I will be doing my own injections from now on.

Leaving tomorrow morning to go to LA, transfer will be sometime on Saturday....can't wait. :)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Five embryos...that's what we have to work with. We are really hoping they all make it to Saturday at which point we would transfer 2 (possibly 3) and freeze the others. We aren't going to feel safe until the transfer is over and then it's a whole different set of worries.

I still can't believe how naive I was going into my first surrogacy. I've learned just about everything there is to know about IVF and surrogacy now and I've experienced more than most, so I'm ready to move on to success.

Monday, January 25, 2010

We've Got Eggs

They were able to get 10 eggs, but we only have 7 that are good quality. We will find out the fertilization report tomorrow. We know that they may not all fertilize and grow, but we are hoping for a good number (fingers crossed). It's starting to feel real and we are all getting excited about this transfer!

I may be meeting a couple of SMO gals out in CA if we can coordinate our schedules. It's always fun to meet other surrogates. :)

Friday, January 22, 2010

We Got our Date!

I found out today that we will be transferring on the one week from tomorrow (YAY!). Today has been horrible. Because my estrogen was low and I had to up my dose, I had a terrible migraine this morning. It's better now, but it was one of those that made me nauseous. Now I remember just how powerful hormones are and how they can really affect so much more than we think.

Egg donor will have retrieval on Monday so we still have one hurdle left. We have to see how many eggs we will get and then how many fertilize. My IF told me yesterday that if we get 3 embryos or less, then the transfer will be moved up to 3 days. If we get more than 3, then we will keep the transfer next Saturday. At this point, I don't care (that's how I get when I feel crappy). Not looking forward to morning sickness, but so looking forward to being pregnant!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Low Estrogen

Just found out my estrogen is low...150, so I need to up my Delestrogen. Won't know transfer date until tomorrow.

Lining Check - Check

Lining check is done so I can cross that off my list of things to worry about. Lining looked great at 12 (ETA: make that 13 :) ), so at this point I'm not concerned about my estradiol's doing it's job. Still waiting to hear about date of retrieval and thus, date of transfer. With a frozen transfer, I would be starting progesterone injections tonight, but only because the transfer would be in 5 days. I'm thinking that we still have 9 days until transfer so I'm guessing I will begin prog injections in a couple of days. I miss frozen embryo transfers!! They're so much easier. Nobody can schedule flight information until we have a date. This means I can't get prepared until I know when I will be gone. Frustrating.

While I was looking through some older paperwork I found the wonderful sheet they give you labeled "Positive Pregnancy Instructions". It made me just a little sad to see that if the first transfer had been successful, my due date would have been 3/26/10. I'd be having a baby in a little less than 2 months. I know that it just wasn't meant to be though.

I still feel very good about this upcoming transfer. At this point, all variables are favorable. The last thing we are waiting on is to see how many eggs are retrieved and then fertilized and grow. If that turns out good then our chances for a pregnancy should be really high this time.

Will update when I know more!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Getting Close

This upcoming Thursday, I have an appointment for my lining check U/S at 9:30am. We should know the date of the transfer by then (or by Friday at the latest). I'm starting to get really excited for the transfer! Still feeling good and thinking positively. I'm glad we're not there right now during Golden Globe time, although that would be cool to get a glimpse of some famous faces. We're not staying at the Beverly Hilton anyway. I'm pretty sure we'll be staying at the Sunset Tower Hotel again. We've stayed at so many different hotels and they're all really nice. I can't say any one of them is better than another.

I will update on Thursday after the appointment.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Almost One Year

It's almost been one year since I gave birth to baby Grant. I'd really like to get him a gift for his birthday, but seeing that I haven't even seen him since birth, I don't have many ideas. I was thinking about getting him a shirt that says, "I Love My Dads", but I don't know if that's silly or not. I'm sure he has everything and more so what do you get a little one that has everything?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Right on Track

First, I just want to say I needed a new blog look for the new year and I love pink and black together. Second, AF had arrived and I start my Delestrogen injections tonight! Everything is right on track. You wouldn't think I would be excited to begin poking myself with needles, but with Dr. S, once you start injectibles, transfer is less than 3 weeks away.

I was talking with D the other day and he said that he wants me to take a home pregnancy test. I had been thinking about waiting until the beta this time, but he wants me to POAS so we can be prepared. I won't complain about that...I'm actually glad he settled it for me. I really think it would have been hard to wait those grueling 10 days. I feel good about this transfer and I'm confident this third time will be our charm.

D said he spoke to the egg donor agency and apparently our egg donor's eggs resulted in the birth of a healthy baby November 1. It's unfortunate that we had to experience the two failed cycles with (what we truly believe were) bad embryos.

2010 is our year!!

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Year

So here we are into another New Year. I'm just waiting to see how fast this one goes by. My new year resolution (along with my husband) is to achieve more balance in our lives. We don't have a written plan, but do have some ideas as to how we want to achieve this goal. I am not going to sit back and wait for this year to be good...I am going to MAKE this year wonderful. Starting with the transfer at the end of this month. I will only be thinking positive thoughts.

I begin my E2V injections on January 9 -wow- just a few days from now. I have a feeling this month is going to fly by and before I know it, I will be pregnant. I can't wait!

Wishing all of you readers the best New Year!