Saturday, August 9, 2008

Moving on (Sad post)

Yesterday was definately one of the hardest days of my life. It was something I make a conscious decision never to have to go through again. After we got to the Dr.s office, she took us back to "talk". She just wanted to discuss the complications of carrying triplets and twins. She was discussing how hard it can be for the babies as most are born very prematurely - this didn't make it any easier for me. I just sat there thinking to myself "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry". I could feel it building up but I was able to hold it in for the most part. When we moved on to the procedure room, it was just me, my husband, and one IF. The other IF couldn't be in the room. She was to do a full U/S first before proceding. I didn't want to hear or see anything as I had seen all three babies on Tues. when I went to my OB appt. Soon after I laid on the table I broke down and burst out crying - I couldn't hold it in any longer. After she did the U/S she got prepared for the procedure. I closed my eyes as I didn't want to see anything. She gave me a shot of numbing medicine and in went the needle. It hurt so bad I think I was just crying out in pain. I just kept praying over and over for those babies as I was crying. The second time wasn't quite as bad as the first but it was not pleasant. All I can say is it was extremely painful - both physically and emotionally.

I am glad that it is past me now and we can move on and focus on the good things. I know this will be with me for a long time but I will heal with that time. I don't have any hard feelings in the end. Having gone through this once, I choose never to do it again - that's just the way it has to be. It's too hard. Physically I feel good today and I now know that I am carrying a really healthy baby (measuring 14 weeks yesterday) (boy-we're pretty sure) and I will just celebrate the good that is left to come. I have another OB appt. on Thursday in which they will do another U/S to check how everything is going. This week I have to hire a babysitter to come over to take care of my kids. I can't lift more than 10 lbs. or stand for more than 30 min. at a time. I meet with her tomorrow. It will be weird because I won't know what to do with myself.

I want to post a pic. of my belly while I was still carrying triplets because I don't think it will ever happen again.


Jenifer said...

((((((BIG HUGS)))))

I'm so sorry.

I didn't think the procedure was that painful.... I am sure that just made it so much worse. I hope the pain was brief and you are feeling better now.

On to growing a healthy bean!!

Kelly's Uterus said...

I want to cry reading your post. In my mind I've thought about "what if" . . . but your post made it so much more real for me. I realize Grant is already born as I'm reading this, but big hugs for you and the IPs, such a hard decision to make and follow through with (especially when you don't really have a choice).((((((HUGS)))))))