Thinking Ahead

That glass of wine that I attempted to enjoy the other night turned out to be not so enjoyable. Around 1am that morning, I got so sick that even to relive that now make me feel nauseous. I had the worst stomach virus I've ever experienced. I'm still recovering today. No more red wine for me for awhile thanks!

I spoke with D this morning and he said they were having a conference call with a new potential egg donor...right about now. I really can't believe how fast they may have found someone. That's great...I guess.

Having been stuck in bed for the last two days, it gave me a lot of time to think. I'm thinking now that this last failure has really been harder on me than I thought it was. I'm kind of feeling a little depressed and I know it has a little to do with the fact that I was really sick, but I'm also thinking that maybe this surrogacy attempt just isn't meant to be...with me anyway. Three failed attempts with two different egg donors. The only constant now is me and the guys' sperm. Yeah, I'm proven, but that doesn't mean anything really. It comes down to this. If this next attempt doesn't work, I'm thinking it may be time to recommend a new surrogate because I too, want them to have a baby, but I'm not producing that. I've tried everything in my power...luck charms, praying, crossing fingers, positive thinking. None of it has worked. This next time I will go in with nothing but hope and if it doesn't work, then maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I don't know what else to say. I haven't lost hope.