Letting Go

Letting go is so hard to do. I'm at that point where I just want to put this journey behind me and move forward with my life. My hormones are making that hard to do, but the more I think about things, the more emotional I get. Top that with the fact that I'm not an optimist by nature (unfortunately).

With the way things had gone during the beginning of the journey and throughout the pregnancy, I really expected things to go differently after the birth. When D and I talked about how the birth would go, he always told me how they would fly home immediately after the birth (well, as soon as they were released). That always made me sad - the thought that they were so eager to get out of here. Things obviously turned out differently and they had to stay a little longer than expected. But here we are three weeks out from the birth and I have received no pictures from them (just the ones posted on Facebook - for everybody) and no word on how they're doing! While I know people are always busy taking care of newborns, I thought that having a baby nurse would make it a little easier on them. Perhaps I should quit making assumptions. I just hate the feeling of being treated like a best friend during the pregnancy to feeling like yesterdays news after the birth. Perhaps thats why I was so irritated during half of the pregnancy...maybe it was a way of protecting myself from dissapointment and hurt - by trying to push them away before they could push me away. I don't know. Regardless, the hurt has set in and I want it to go away and to move on with my life now. It all makes me wonder if doing another surrogacy would really be such a good idea...I hate going through this part!