Monday, November 2, 2009

I Thought the Day Would Never Come (TMI post)

After an excruciating week of horrible morning sickness, my body finally decided to realize that there was not really a baby in the uterus after all. I began bleeding lightly yesterday and by very early this morning (like 4am) I began losing clots. Just a couple hours later, I was losing a lot of blood (with clots). I was getting really light headed, but everything turned out okay. I went through about 6 overnight pads this morning alone. The bleeding had lightened up quite a bit and I'm feeling much better. The cramping was very noticeable, but nothing I couldn't handle. With the morning sickness over, my appetite returned with full force...and I wanted to try and begin some sort of diet today (yeah right!)

I spoke with the doctors office today and I was told to go in for a follow up beta on Friday. D and I talked on the phone for awhile last night and I'm not sure at this point whether they have a new donor or not...that is turning into quite a sticky situation right now, but we have time. It looks like we will not be doing another transfer until January - and I'm okay with that. No worries over the holidays and time for my body to recoup.

This whole entire second journey has not been anything I could have ever imagined. I feel very close to D after everything we've been through which I'm happy about. It's just been so hard with all the loss and the time we've put into all of this. I'm almost 33 and D and I have discussed that not long after this first journey is done, they don't want to wait very long before trying again. If we keep having failures then time keeps getting pushed back further and further. I know it's what I want to do, it's just hard...I'm not getting any younger and my body is just not in the shape it used to be - like when I was pregnant with my first. I just hope I can handle it. I keep telling myself that I want to get healthy, but can't seem to push myself into doing something about it. If only I could get stronger mentally...

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