Officially Over

So this cycle is officially over. My beta today was down to the 900's from the 3000's. I am sad, but I'll get over it. This whole experience really leaves me with a less optimistic outlook. I want so badly for this to work because I love the relationship I have with my new IF's. I know that everybody wants that though - nothing new. I am really trying to not feel sorry for myself, but I know it will take just a little time to get out of this slump. There are so many reasons (some pretty silly) for my anger. I'm not going to get into them, but that's the reason it will take time. Right now, I can't even say that I am excited about the next cycle, probably because there is so much I have to go through before we will even get to that point. I'm sure I will feel differently the closer it gets.

Anyway, I stopped my meds and unfortunately since it was just a partial miscarriage, I still have more to go. I'm just really hoping it won't be super painful. If it doesn't happen on it's own then I will have to go in for a D&C. I just want to put this behind me and move on - it's all I can do.

Still Waiting (tmi post)

I'm still waiting for the official confirmation to quit my meds and such. The U/S tech said, "It doesn't look good", but we still don't have the official report - should be in today sometime. My beta was at 3636 and should be in between 4-5,000. I need to go back in tomorrow to retake it. I have a feeling it is already beginning to drop. This whole process is so disheartening. I just felt like everything was going so well and then *BAM* just like that it could be over. I bled for about 6 hours on Sunday and passed 3 large and 2 small clots. I knew it would be over, but I still held out hope as I've spoken with other ladies that have gone through the same exact thing and they are still pregnant or have given birth. When the U/S tech said it didn't look right in there, I knew there was nothing to hold out hope for anymore. I'm just waiting for it to be official. I can't believe that we have to do this all over again after who knows how much time.

Where We Stand

I am getting ready to leave for my U/S and bloodwork to see what the results are after yesterday's unfortunate event. Right now I have no idea where we stand. I am thinking for sure that I definitely had some kind of miscarriage, but I am still holding out hope that maybe just one passed and there might still be one fetus remaining. I don't know. I will update when I do.

Not Good

I think I'm having a miscarriage. :(

Second Time

This morning was the second time I have woken up and found blood. Mind you it is a very small amount, but I think I will let the Dr. office know this time. We have our U/S scheduled for Friday morning. Both D & W are coming out for this first appointment. We will have dinner on Thursday night. Go to the appointment on Friday morning with lunch afterwards and then they will fly back home. I know I'm still pregnant because, of course, I had to buy a test to make sure - and the line was beautiful. I just can't wait to know what's going on in there. Now, I need to get back to my book - last one and I'm done with the series. Yay, now I just have to wait for the movies!!!! I can't wait to see Edward again :)

Big Day

Well, today was the big day and..........my beta is 310! I am 10dp5dt. We won't know how many are in there until the U/S on 7/31. We transferred 2 and we are thinking that both stuck, but only time will tell. We are all very excited whatever the outcome.

Grant growing up!!

I don't even know what to say. ADORABLE! I am so happy to have been a part of this.

I spoke with one of my new IF's today and he asked if I tested, so I told him YES, I am pregnant. He couldn't even speak he was so emotional. I was happy to have been the one to tell him. I sent him a picture of a BFP test and hopefully he will show that to the other IF and that's how he will find out they are going to have a baby. Here's the pic that I sent - it's a $ tree cheapie!

Thursday is "The Day"

Thursday I will get up early and go in first thing to the lab to have my blood drawn. I have gotten BFP's on all the test's I have taken since day 5 so I'm dying for numbers now. I have not spoken with my IF's since the day after I got home so they have no idea. I can't tell them anyway - they don't want to know. Not until Thursday that is. I'm hoping for twins but will be very pleased with just one. I just truly hope to be the one to make their dreams come true! I'll post when I know more. I'll try to post a pic of a BFP but I'll have to get a good one first.

In the Dreaded 2 Week Wait!!

First off, I have to apologize for my last post. I realized some time later that it was simply hormones. Secondly, I want to say that my transfer trip was wonderful! I was able to get to know my new IF's much better (especially since we have hardly had any time at all) and I really like them. I think I will be much closer to them (well, at least one of them for sure) than I was with my last IF's. After arriving and getting settled into the hotel, we went out to dinner at Mr. Chow's. That was a fun restaurant. We watched many movies, talked quite a bit, and I started reading Twilight. The transfer went off without a hitch. We transferred two nearly perfect embryos - one from each father. W left the afternoon of the transfer. After 36 hours of bedrest D and I went out to eat at the Ivy. That was awesome and it was a perk to see Nicolette Sheriden a few tables away from us. We went out to breakfast the next morning and left for the airport shortly after that.

The trip was made a bit more interesting with all of the Michael Jackson hoopla going on very near us. Overall, it was a great trip and I'm dying here now because it's so hard waiting. I told them I was going to test at home, but whatever the results, I won't tell them - they'd rather wait to find out officially. Unfortunately, I can't wait that long. My first beta will be on Thursday 7/16 so I hope time will go by relatively fast. Oh, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed!! I will update, but until then I will leave you with this - a picture of the wonderful gift that my wonderful IF's got for me ......

Transfer #1 with IF's #2

I'm leaving in about 2 hours to head to the airport. I haven't even packed yet. I'm just not very excited right now. I feel down in the dumps and don't know why. Maybe once I get out of here I will get more excited. I guess the reason I'm not happy could have something with the way my last few days has gone. I wanted this trip to be perfect and it's already turning out to be horrible (in my eyes). I tried to dye my hair !disaster! - now my hair is practically black (really dark brown). I went and got my hair cut - I hate it. So I look awful and I feel awful. I have a sinus infection, but at least my jaw doesn't hurt from it like it did yesterday. I felt like I had a toothache! On my flight out there, I sit in the very last row and I swear that I will throw a fit if they make me check my bag - it is a full flight. I hate the airlines because I sit in the very last row, but yet I don't get to board the plane until the very last because I'm seating 4. That pisses me off! And then, when I get to LA, there will be no one to pick me up! I didn't get any cab vouchers like I was told I would (remind you that I used to get picked up by a limo service - guess the agency is making cutbacks) so I have to pay for cab out of my own pocket. At least I will be reimbursed.

So anyway, my expectations are already set for this trip. I hope so much that I can pick myself up out of this and try to have a good time. Either way, I'll let you know when I get back.

Losing My Mind

I am so dumb. I didn't even realize that I was supposed to have bloodwork done yesterday! I did my U/S but not the bloodwork. I got home and had an e-mail (she called also) from the Dr. office asking for a number so they could follow up. Crap!! Well, I got up first thing this morning, went to the hospital and had my blood drawn. They said it would only take an hour for the results, but I'm just hoping that my stupidity isn't going to sabotage the transfer.

Okay, just got off the phone with the nurse and everything is looking GREAT. Woo Hoo. And, I just got my transfer time of 7:15 am on Monday. Oh man, I am excited. I can't believe that there is a possibility that I might be pregnant next week!!!!

Gearing Up

I went in for my lining check today and it's lookin' good - measuring 12 (good between 8-12). I start my Prometrium and Endometrin today. No progesterone shots for me this time because they say I had an allergic reaction last time so it would be the same this time around. I can't believe I only have 5 days until the transfer. I don't know if I mentioned before that I have only met one of the two IF's. I will finally meet the second when we fly out for the transfer. They are flying out one day earlier than me and then when I arrive, we will spend some time together and go out for dinner. I am really looking forward to it!!